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Love in the Time of Online Auctions: a hit-or-miss photostory
Sasha Blaze
So, I heard this odd faint keening noise from the living room when I got home from the all-day workshop ordeal I endured today . . .

Act One: The Thunderbolt

ME: Atsu-kun, what’s wrong? Don’t tell me the new hard drive is going bad already!

ATSUMORI: Iie, chigaimasu . . . ga . . .

ME: But? But what? What are you looking at?

ME: O-oh. (thinking: uh-oh.)

ATSUMORI: This is a very beautiful lady.

ATSUMORI: She is like a cherry tree in winter. She deserves the love of an emperor.

ME: Um. That’s a lovely sentiment, and extremely Japanese of you, but--you know, sweetie, she's on eBay right now. She’s going to get a perfectly nice home later this evening. See here? The auction ends in just a little while.

ATSUMORI: So desu ka? How does one enter this ah-ku-sha-n? Ah, I understand—this button, and this. It is quite simple, ne?

ME: Ack! No! Don’t push that—ohmygawdyoucan’t—

Act Two: Three Cheers for Dollshe Brotherhood

LYON: What’s up, Atsuji? I thought I heard somebody shrieking in here.

ME (faintly): He just put in a bid on an Evenstar auction. I’m going to go lie down with a cold cloth over my eyes.

LYON: Yeah? Way to go! What’s she like? Er—it is a girl, right?

ATSUMORI (frosty): Hai.

LYON: Hey, no offense, all right? You haven’t exactly been what I’d call forthcoming about yourself since you got here, you know? . . . So is this her on the—whoa. Whoa, nelly.

ATSUMORI (to himself): I think she is lonely.

LYON: Guys! Guys, come and look at this! Atsumori’s bidding on a hot girlfriend for us! She’s tattooed all over!


Act Three: Far Too Much Input

KANBEI: Ahhhhhhhh.

LYON: What did I tell you, huh? Sejong, have you ever seen anything like this?

LYON: Er, Sejong? I’m almost afraid to ask, but--what is that you’re carrying around in the sack?

SEJONG: It is the head of my enemy, of course. Kanbei-dono, do you find this woman pleasing?

KANBEI: Mmmmmmmmm.

LYON: Wait a minute. The head of your enemy? I thought Cynthia explained to you that Saiki wasn’t your enemy. Besides, he went off for a faceup. Where did you get--

SEJONG: I was briefly mistaken. But this enemy is unquestionably the correct one.

NA-NU-RI: I am not! And I cad’t breathe id here!

LYON: It can talk?

NA-NU-RI (plaintively): I’b nod an id. I’b Na-nu-ri. I hab feeligs too, you know.

SEJONG: Silence! Show me this woman, Kanbei-dono. Ah, she is most handsome. Most handsome. What sort of weapon do you suppose she carries?

ATSUMORI: But—but--

ATSUMORI: But I loved her first.

Act Four: The Consolation of Philosophy

PEN (offscreen): Psssst! Atsumori! Come up here.

PEN: You know, it was really romantic of you to bid on that girl and everything, but—you probably aren’t going to win the auction. You do know that, right? I mean, I’d hate to see you break your heart over her.

ATSUMORI: My heart is not whole, Pen-san.

PEN: Yeah, I know. I miss Jenna all the time. Long-distance relationships are tough.

ATSUMORI: Life is bitterness. That is what you mean.

PEN: Well, not exactly, but it’ll do. . . . Are you going to be okay, Atsu?

ATSUMORI: I bid a large number of dollars for my lady. Perhaps she may come to me in the end.

PEN: A large . . . oh, wow. No wonder Cynthia’s making those choky noises. Maybe I’d better go check on her?

The End (for now).

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Pooooooooooor Atsu-kun. Such a hopeless romantic--who knew? ;-) And he IS outnumbered in the courtship stakes, no question about it . . .

The great thing about having a huge south-facing picture window is that sometimes it's possible to catch nice rich light--but then fifteen SECONDS later the sun shifts a tiny bit, or the clouds move, and blech, the light is all cold and gray. I've decided I'm not going to care, for snapshots like these--if I cared, I'd be spending all my time in Photoshop, and I'm waaaaaayyyy too lazy for that! ;-)

I know this is a weird request, but would you mind one day taking a picture out your window? I would love to see what you see outside in your sky. :)

I drove through Kansas 5 years ago, but I was driving. I didn't see the sky really (too busy looking at the road). I actually enjoy looking at the sky in different areas of the world because it all looks slightly different.

I know... weird, huh? :/

Not weird at all! Boy, I wish I hadn't been stuck indoors all day yesterday, because the sky was INCREDIBLE--big fluffy thunderheads on top and darker flattish clouds under them, with light slanting down at an angle that, for the first time this year, really looked like fall might be on the way. Today the sky is solid featureless pale gray, like a concrete floor, but I'll have the camera ready when there's something better to see.

Fall light and fall skies around here are something special, I always think, and now I have an incentive to try to capture them with the camera, yaaaaay!


Also...and I KNOW this may totally sound dangerous...HOWEVER...

If there is a tornado brewing, can you PLEASE take a bicture of the sky then too? Someone told me the sky turns green. I can't even imagine that. I asked Batchix to do that once, and I think she keeps forgetting. So I figure I will ask as many people as possible until I finally see some sky! :)

LOL! There's only been one tornado warning here since I moved back to Kansas (6 years +), but I promise--if the opportunity arises, I'll point the camera toward the sky as I run for the basement. ^_^

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